The 3 Secrets to Feeling LovedNone By Homaira Kabir
Feeling loved is a deeply-rooted need. As the most social animal on the planet, we require the love and appreciation of others to feel supported, resilient and alive.
No wonder then that we’re extremely sensitive to rejection. The minor slights and snubs of the day stick to us like Velcro and grow and gather momentum in our minds, while positive incidents brush off of us like Teflon and get lost in the noise of negativity.
Think about it—of all the wonderful things that happen in your day, what do you most think about at night? And what do you do as a result? Think of the time your partner got you a last-minute birthday gift you really didn’t want. Did you fight with them about your friends’ partners who spend time and money on thoughtful gifts, or did you simply smile at their innocent ignorance of your wants?
It’s true that our reactions to the fear of rejection often drive us to create walls around ourselves, which ironically become a self-fulfilling prophecy of not feeling loved. But with self-awareness, we can rise above these primal responses, and instead of closing down in shame or blaming others for our misery, we can assume responsibility for our feelings of love and connection.
How? Science shows that by reaching out to others in kindness, we beget the love we seek. This is because as humans, we’re wired to reciprocate. Our kindness prompts others to turn to us with love and warmth. And it inspires them to spread this kindness by up to three degrees of separation. Now, isn’